


Coming home

by IvoryWitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Character Death, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Rated T for swearing, Tiny bit of fluff at least, hurt!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvoryWitch/pseuds/IvoryWitch
Summary: - Spoilers for s15e18, set sometime after the episode ends -It feels different, somehow, this time around. Coming back.Maybe it’s because, for once, he doesn’t have to somehow find his own way back home. Because home is a person, and he’s standing right in front of him. And home, well... he’s furious.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Coming home

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda sorta just started imagining dialogue for a reunion and couldn’t get it out of my head... this is the result of that.
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta reader, Geek_Haven, for always being honest in her feedback and for giving me pointers!

It feels different, somehow, this time around. Coming back. Sure, Castiel has faced death before, and come back before- multiple times by now. But this time feels different.  
Maybe it’s the fact that he feels at peace, now, as if something in the air has shifted, no longer saturated with a certain taste of impending doom.  
Or perhaps it’s because this time he doesn’t feel like he was spit back up after being chewed and partly digested by a big black nothing.  
Maybe it’s because, for once, he doesn’t have to somehow find his own way back home. Because home is a person, and he’s standing right in front of him. And home, well... he’s furious. So maybe that’s why it’s different. Instead of the embraces or shoulder pats and smiles and ‘welcome homes’ he’s gotten before, Castiel is feeling the full force of the lightning storm that is Dean Winchester’s angry face, his jaw so tight it’s a wonder how his teeth are still intact. Castiel thinks it’s a mix of all of those things. 

Dean... memories rush back, of what happened, of what he said, what he did. Of how even death had felt different, then, not a cold and sharp thing... more like the warmth of a lover’s embrace. With his heart full, so full it burst, exploded into tiny warm drops that evaporated and carried him away into dark nothingness. He had been at peace, then. Not knowing. And even as Castiel is standing there, in a clearing in the woods with the sun shining so beautifully it arches through the tree tops, he feels the blissful peace shatter. Because judging by the look on Dean’s face... he’s about to get a steaming hot serving of absolute truth. 

And in that moment, it’s painfully obvious to Castiel that he won’t like what he’s about to hear. Thinking back on it, on Dean’s stunned face, on the despair and denial and agony... Dean is the most compassionate man Castiel knows, and the more he thinks about it... the more he replays the look Dean gave him right before he was taken... the hurt, the shock... probably even feeling sorry for him, feeling bad that Cas feels that way when Dean... well, it’s all the answer he needs. 

“Dean... about what I said...” he tries, but Dean isn’t having it. He slams a fist against a tree and points at Castiel with his other hand, face going from angry to fuming, and Cas has never felt so small in all of his existence.  
“Nope. You said your piece, now it’s my turn” Dean snaps. And just when Castiel thinks he’s about to start yelling and cursing, Dean instead closes his eyes and breathes in through his nose. Even struggling to contain his rage like this, he is beautiful, and Cas tries and fails not to marvel at the line of Dean’s throat as he swallows, hard, and then slowly opens his eyes back up. 

“That’s the single most selfish thing you’ve ever done-“  
“Dean, I saved you-“  
“You fucking ruined me, Cas” Dean shouts, a shaky hand flying up to run through his hair in distress, angry tears filling his eyes, and Castiel frowns as the impact of those words hit him.  
“I... My apologies, I didn’t think... I didn’t know it would upset you this much” he says weakly, flinching when Dean barks out a cold laugh.  
“Upset me?” Dean huffs, shaking his head as he starts to pace, and all Cas can do is shift uncomfortably as once again those thundery eyes land on him and pin him to the spot.  
“Upset me...” Dean mumbles, his pacing halting in favor of quick, menacing steps towards him that have even Castiel, angel of the Lord, take a defensive step back. 

“How was I supposed to feel, huh? Was I supposed to, what, smile and leap into your arms like some fucking romance novel? At least you could’ve let me die with you, but no, you had to be a hero. You pushed me away!”  
Dean is shouting now, back to pointing his finger at Castiel angrily, his hand shaking and his eyes hard and unyielding.  
And it hurts so much, but Castiel can’t look away, has to stay rooted to the spot, has to fight to remember to even breathe as he finds himself completely and utterly unable to break the tether keeping their eyes locked together.  
“Dean, I don’t understand- I did it for you” Cas tries, but those words make the steel behind Dean’s eyes even harder, makes them glint as if he’s put down a mental shield, a block, and Castiel knows he’s about to deliver his final blow. That thing that’s gonna make his heart shatter all over again, not with warmth and content at speaking his truth, but with coldness and heartbreak upon learning Dean’s. 

“No, you didn’t” Dean’s voice is low and dangerous and angry, on edge and full of emotion, cold and hurt and so heavy with sadness that Castiel can barely take it. He’s crying again, like he did the last time they were standing this close, and Dean is too. That one, remarkably perfect tear, escapes his eye first. And then Dean is crying too, so raw and open and earnest, and no longer carrying a trace of that previous anger. Castiel doesn’t understand, until he does.  
“You left. You dropped a bomb and then you fucking left me there, on the floor” Dean’s voice is shaking now. “You told me you were gonna die, and then you said that, so how was I supposed to feel? How was I supposed to react? You told me I was the one thing you wanted that you couldn’t have... and then you went and made damn sure I didn’t get to have you either”. 

It hits him like a freight train, the shock, the hurt, the bittersweet sadness Dean must’ve felt in that moment. And he understands. Castiel understands exactly what inner turmoil Dean was having in those moments between, those seconds from his declaration of love until he was gone. He breathes in sharply, and it’s his turn to close his eyes to gather himself.  
“Oh, Dean... I’m so sorry” he whispers, and slowly, as if Dean is a fragile wounded animal, Castiel reaches up to cup his jaw. Swipes his thumb over his tear stained cheek. Looks at him, really looks at him... and sees the despair. The pain he himself has felt so many times, over loving the man in front of him so much it physically hurts, reflected back at him.  
“I didn’t get to say it back” Dean practically whimpers through tears, and Cas lets out a shaky breath. Then he frowns deeply.  
“Dean... how did you... how am I... how did you get a chance to... to tell me this?” Castiel asks, voice shaking as he realizes that they might be on borrowed time, that he’s feeling every bit of the dread and sorrow Dean must’ve felt upon the same realization. And Dean... actually has the decency to look sheepish.  
“Turns out I’m annoying, too... found out how to summon the empty when everything had settled down... begged it to take me, too... so I could at least be with you, somehow... it didn’t wanna risk it... I have a reputation for not staying dead. And it knew I’d never stop...”  
The reality of it all washes over Castiel, lifts him up like a soft spring breeze, filling his lungs, his heart, his soul. Of what Dean has done for him... for them. His heart is so full, as they gaze into each other’s eyes, still not dry but so full of warmth.  
Then, the most beautiful words Castiel has ever heard leaves the lips of the most beautiful man he has ever met.  
“I love you too, you know... You fucking idiot”. 

And Dean doesn’t push him out of harm’s way, like Castiel had when he said those words. Instead he pulls him in, pulls him closer. And instead of feeling the resolute kiss of death, what he’s met with is soft lips against his own, salty from their tears but so, so sweet. 

Yeah, it feels different this time around, coming back. 

Coming home.


End file.
